Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
