I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
being pregnant is like rehab
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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