I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
