god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
