Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
