I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
