tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
