I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
