You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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