I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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