Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
