I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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