I like my sex mixed with concussions.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
