whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
