No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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