you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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