seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
