Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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