she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
