Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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