he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
