a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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