Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
