Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
