dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
