Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
