can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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