I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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