im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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