can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So many bounce houses so little time
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
PANTIES FOUND
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