i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
