i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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