hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
