I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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