Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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