I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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