I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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