Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
