the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
