Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
