were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
