bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
