it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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