what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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