thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
