Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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