i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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