Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
