Dual....:-)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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