Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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